Therapy for Perfectionism and People-Pleasing
Can you relate?
“Thinking about advocating for myself brings up anxiety.” • “It is easier to just go along with it than deal with the tension of an argument.” • “It’s difficult for me to ask for my needs.” • “I often don’t notice my needs because I’m focusing on others” • “Even when I accomplish something, it never feels like enough.” • “I overthink conversations afterward and worry that I said the wrong thing.” • “My worth feels connected to how I take care of others or make them happy.” • “I feel like I need to perform or be someone else for others.” • “If I disagree, they won't like me anymore.” • “I’m exhausted from trying to hold everything together.” • “I have a relentless inner critic.”
You are not alone.
What are Perfectionism and people-pleasing?
Perfectionism and people pleasing often develop for very understandable reasons. At some point, being highly attuned to others, getting things “right,” avoiding mistakes, or becoming exceptionally capable may have helped you feel safer, more connected, or more secure in your relationships.
Over time, though, these strategies can become exhausting. You might find yourself second-guessing decisions, taking responsibility for other people’s emotions, struggling to set boundaries, overworking, comparing yourself to others, or feeling anxious when someone is disappointed with you. Even rest can feel uncomfortable when your nervous system has learned to associate worth with being productive, helpful, agreeable, or exceptional.
Together, we can become curious about what your perfectionism and people pleasing have been trying to protect. Rather than simply trying to get rid of these parts of you, therapy can help you understand their origins while building greater flexibility, self-trust, and freedom to make choices based on your own values and needs.
““You are a presence in the world, and that is all you ever need to be.”
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Therapy for Somatic Symptoms
55-minute sessions
Learning to take up space in your own life can feel surprisingly vulnerable. For people who have learned to maintain connection through achievement, caretaking, or adapting to others, setting a boundary or allowing someone to be disappointed may feel much bigger than simply saying “no.” I use attachment- and emotion-focused approaches, including Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) and parts work, to help clients understand the emotions and relational experiences underneath perfectionism and people pleasing. Together, we can notice patterns of self-criticism, over-responsibility, anxiety, and disconnection from your own wants and needs with curiosity rather than judgment.
Let’s face this together.
Get support
If you are initially reaching out, you can expect to hear from me within two business days.